In Australia, I've found to my shock and horror (I mock), that submissives over here don't tend to understand the afternoon tea ritual which is so commonly practised by lifestyle Mistresses - and to a degree professional Dominatrices.
Suffice to say that I've found it necessary to write an entire blog post on afternoon tea so that the submissives reading will hopefully "get it".
A brief history of afternoon tea
In England, "afternoon tea" is part-meal and part-ritual.
When the Portugese Princess Catherine of Breganza married King Charles II, she is credited with bringing with her the tradition of tea drinking to Britain. And although earlier references to tea can be found, it's likely that her arrival and enjoyment of tea helped ensure its popularity.
However "afternoon tea" as a ritual meal was reportedly started in 1840, when Anna Russell, Duchess of Bedford, was visiting Belvoir Castle, she would get hungry in the afternoon; in the long gap between lunch and dinner at 7 or 8 pm. She requested that a tray of bread and butter and cake be brought to her room during the late afternoon. She began inviting friends to join her, and the Duchess of Bedford's afternoon tea became a ritual event.
Belvoir Castle, Leicestershire, United Kingdom (Wikicommons)
If Belvoir castle looks familiar to you, that may be because it was used as a stand-in for Windsor Castle in the Netflix series 'The Crown'. In addition to being a location used in the 'Da Vinci Code', for 'The Young Victoria', and other films and TV programmes.
And just who was Anna Russell? She was a close friend of Queen Victoria, and Lady of the Bed Chamber between 1837 and 1841. She was also sister-in-law to the prime minister John Russell, being married herself to Francis Russell, the 7th Duke of Bedford.
In any case, the ritual of afternoon tea meal she enjoyed took off as an idea and a meal amongst the middle and upper classes.
Bread and butter evolved into dainty club sandwiches - it was reportedly the Earl of Sandwich who had the idea of putting a filling between two slices of bread. Scones served with clotted cream and preserves were common, alongside little cakes and pastries served on fine china. And of course it goes without saying - tea - from exotic climes of India, Ceylon (Sri Lanka) and China.
The afternoon tea tradition continued on through the 19th and 20th Centuries.
Francis Cadell 'Afternoon' (1913)
Richard Miller 'Afternoon Tea' Wikicommons image.
The special appeal of afternoon tea
The fanfare surrounding afternoon tea may seem rather strange to those from outside of England observing it. To quote the American author Alice Walker: "tea to the English is really a picnic indoors".
I've often heard it being referred to as convivial - meaning "friendly, lively, enjoyable". The word convivial is from the Latin convivialis, from convivium ‘a feast’, from con- ‘with’ + vivere ‘live’.
A friendly, social, lively feast is a good description of English afternoon tea. And it was (and is) a privileged affair. Established by royalty and aristocracy, who could spare the time in the afternoon to take this afternoon tea / meal, and with teas grown in far-away places and transported over vast distance.
Part of its appeal was tasting exotic flavours and variants from the romanticised Orient, and taking a fantasy voyage there as one sips the tea. Teas were traditionally held to have medicinal properties, and regardless of one's beliefs, there's certainly something comforting and soothing in drinking a well brewed cup of tea from dainty cups with delicious finger food. Even more so when enjoyed with friends in good company.
The food offerings are designed to pleasantly see to all desires for both savoury and sweet. Most commonly these are served on a multi-tiered cake stand, adding to the visual display and sense of pleasantry.
A traditional English afternoon tea with scones, clotted cream and jam, along with savoury offerings and sweet treats, served on a 3 tier cake stand.
How the afternoon (or 'high') tea became a #FemDom thing
I'm not sure myself even as a historian on the Dominatrix as to how long the tradition of afternoon tea for lifestyle Mistresses and Dominatrices goes back, but I imagine as far back as the tradition itself. As the Dominatrix embodies the Empress, Queen, Lady, and so forth in her play and role, it's only fitting that she receives good service, teas and treats from her submissives and servants.
The pleasure and leisure of the afternoon tea offerings also helps to put women into a state of "owning the want". Whereby they specify their desires and preferences, direct the service, to have the afternoon tea served and tea poured, and to adjudicate the performance of their submissive or slave or maid attendants. (There is plenty of opportunity for chastisement for the tea being too weak, too strong, the wrong amount of milk poured, or sugar put in, not following instructions, and so forth.)
The psychology of submissives is to want to please their Mistress, and the psychology of slaves is to be owned and have duties, so it makes complete sense then that both find suitable role in attending the Mistresses for afternoon tea. It provides a sense of occasion and event, for training, for playing out roles and the power dynamic of D/s. It also provides opportunity for "high protocol" if so desired. (I'll write a separate article in the future on "high protocol" in D/s Domination/submission dynamics in the future, in case there's people reading who are wondering what that is.)
The special event nature of the afternoon tea enables opportunity for dressing up in more elegant attire if one so wanted to do so. Tea dresses for Mistresses (or subversive or latex takes on the formal wear idea), or even period costume. Submissives in maid's outfits or servant's attire. I even know of a submissive turned into 'Miss Brown the scullery maid' complete with appropriate brown uniform for the job. Certainly cross-dressing and sissy maids work well for the afternoon tea ritual. And spankings and mild public humiliation tend to go hand-in-hand with the various misdemeanours committed by the attending submissives / servants / maids and butlers.
Part of Domination has also always been in subversion; taking social norms and rituals and playing with them in a carnivalesque kind of way. So a ritual established essentially by women, based on their desires and wants, and so up for the possibility of delightful subversion - was always going to fly in FemDom.
To see examples of the London FemDom High Tea Ball run by Madame Caramel, there's a weblink here: https://www.femdomball.com/femdom-high-tea-2019/
CHECKLIST:
What do I need for a FemDom afternoon (or 'high') tea?
* Ideally an English-style tea set, with teapot, teacups and saucers, sugar bowl and milk jug. Traditionally these were bone china, and these days you can pick up second-hand sets on ebay auctions, or buy brand new tea sets from major department stores or specialist shops, depending on preference, style and budget. You can go traditional English rose or floral designs, Art deco designs, vintage 50s / 60s and 70s, or modern contemporary. Some famous brands are Royal Doulton, Paragon, Portmeirion, Royal Albert, Wedgwood, etc. You can even get subversive 'Naughty tea cups with Slut, Cunt or Cock inscribed. (see below)
Example of ebay listing for Royal Doulton 'Lady Carlyle' tea set
Naughty tea cup - available in 'Slut', 'Cock' or 'Cunt' from Passionfruit Sensuality Shop. Click here.
* A selection of teas, ideally loose-leaf. Traditionally this was a black tea which was a little less strong than English breakfast tea, however these days most places don't tend to follow such rigid rules, and English breakfast is commonly taken for afternoon tea. However multiple selections of teas are great to enable options and a taste of the world, from Earl Grey (black tea blended with bergamot oil), to smokey Lapsang Souchong (from China), to herbal teas such as Chamomile, to name but a few.
* Champagne. A relatively modern addition to the traditional afternoon tea, but decadence added of course!
* A three tier cake stand wouldn't go amiss either for setting the tone. The display adds to the mood and ritual feel of the afternoon tea. These come in a variety of styles from metal frames onto which you put the plates, to those with graduated plate sizes integrated with smallest sweets plate on top.
Examples of 3 tier cake stands.
* Finger sandwiches. Common fillings are cucumber, or egg (boiled egg mashed with mayonaise and dijon mustard), or salmon and dill, or crab, or chicken, etc. The crusts are cut off, and the sandwiches cut into finger size. And other savoury canapes commonly served also.
Finger sandwiches from Wikicommons.
* Scones served with clotted cream and jam. These can be raisin scones or plain scones, or lemon scones. Ideally baked freshly that day.
Scones from Wikicommons.
* Sweet treats such as little cakes and pastries.
Image from Wikicommons.
* And just to increase the indulgence one more step, some people serve up even more petits fours and chocolates at the very end. (Just in case anyone had any room left in their belly).
Note: I haven't gone into the differentiation between "afternoon tea" and "high tea", because I think people can get a bit snobby and wanky about it. Technically "high tea" was for workers who had to wait until after work to have their tea, by which time they needed more than cakes and wanted hearty substantial food after a day of hard labour, and so it was more of a meal and it was served at a high (usually normal dining) table. Confusingly, people might easily mix this up and think of high tea as the one that was the elevated and posh tea meal, when in fact the reverse was true. Afternoon tea was the posher tea for those with leisure time to have it at around 3.30 or 4 pm, while high tea was the working class meal with tea and served later after they finished work at around 6 pm and served at (high / normal) dining tables.
In New Zealand and Australia, the expression "afternoon tea" is used to refer to the short break for 15 mins in the afternoon at work around 3 pm for a quick cup of tea or coffee, also known as "afternoon smoko break". And so as a result, Australians and New Zealanders used the term "high tea" is used to describe the more formal affair that the English would call "afternoon tea". (Yes just to confuse you further.)
I personally don't worry too much what anyone wants to call it, or how they adapt it. After all, we're living in 2020, and it's a living tradition, so do it in any style you want. And you can call it formal afternoon tea, English afternoon tea, high tea, FemDom high tea, or whatever you wish.
It's your prerogative right as a FemDom to hold it at whatever time you like. You know the tradition, so you can make it, break it or subvert it - to suit your desires, preferences and D/s dynamic. And have fun and enjoy Your self.
x Anne O Nomis